Walking this morning to visit a friend, I noticed one scene after another of people exercising fierce independence. How we love to do things ourselves! How strongly we dislike asking for help. ~Pat and WJ overlooking Shadow Lake, Saturday~
After weeks of rain, our dry Saturday motivated my neighbors to paint a mailbox, hang wet towels and repair a rotting porch.
On my walk, I looked forward to greeting a new resident of a nearby cabin. As I approached her home, I watched her repeatedly attempt to open a plastic garbage bag…and (did I imagine this part?) sensing my closeness, I saw her turn inside and close her door.
I, too, have avoided others in a time of need. Was it pride? Stubbornness? Fear of looking incompetent or weak? Why are we sometimes like willful preschoolers, acting out “I can do it myself; don’t help me?”
Another friend told me Thursday about her 5 year old refusing any assistance, when attempting to lift her little brother onto a horse! A strong young lady, she has an incredible sense of herself and her capacity. Perhaps a future president?
But as much as I admire the self directed and self sufficient, I have even greater respect for those who are able to reveal their neediness, and humble themselves to ask someone for help. I spent some time this week with a friend who received a diagnosis that has scared her, badly. She needs a ride to another hospital, for more tests, but is not comfortable asking anyone to drive her.
“Why?” I asked.
“Everyone is so busy, I don’t want to ask, it is so hard,” she cried.
When I deny myself the support of others, it is usually because I am not at ease with my vulnerability. More than once, I have tried to carry my massage table up stairs when the task really requires two people. I think I should be more able, more complete, more perfect. How silly! Just why do I think all these people are on the planet? To only help themselves?
Last week, the wonderfully inspirational website, www.dailyom.com, posted a beautiful meditation on being willing to reveal our full self to others. It said, in part, “Those of us who were lucky enough to have a parent who was able to keep it real may find it easier to be that way ourselves. The rest of us may have to work a little harder to let go of our pretenses and share the beauty and humor of our real selves. Our reward for taking such a risk is that as we do, we will attract and inspire others, giving them the permission to be real too.”
Later today, we had the great opportunity to share the afternoon with a fascinating man. Nearly 90 years old, WJ told us stories that were truly jaw dropping. He was on the crew of an American Air Force plane in the 1940s that provided Mahatma Gandhi with his FIRST AIRPLANE RIDE! WJ also invented the sensing device that governs internal cooling in big computer units. He climbed the third highest mountain in the world, named Kanchenjunga, when he was 22.
Living in Bangalore during WW II, WJ shot cobras he found in his tent, saw widows throw themselves on funeral pyres, and designed an airplane carburetor that allowed planes to fly at 60,000 feet over the Himalayas and not ice up. I told my husband, Thurmond, that talking with WJ is the closest we will ever get to experiencing what it must have felt like to talk with Thomas Edison.
I, too, have avoided others in a time of need. Was it pride? Stubbornness? Fear of looking incompetent or weak? Why are we sometimes like willful preschoolers, acting out “I can do it myself; don’t help me?”
Another friend told me Thursday about her 5 year old refusing any assistance, when attempting to lift her little brother onto a horse! A strong young lady, she has an incredible sense of herself and her capacity. Perhaps a future president?
But as much as I admire the self directed and self sufficient, I have even greater respect for those who are able to reveal their neediness, and humble themselves to ask someone for help. I spent some time this week with a friend who received a diagnosis that has scared her, badly. She needs a ride to another hospital, for more tests, but is not comfortable asking anyone to drive her.
“Why?” I asked.
“Everyone is so busy, I don’t want to ask, it is so hard,” she cried.
When I deny myself the support of others, it is usually because I am not at ease with my vulnerability. More than once, I have tried to carry my massage table up stairs when the task really requires two people. I think I should be more able, more complete, more perfect. How silly! Just why do I think all these people are on the planet? To only help themselves?
Last week, the wonderfully inspirational website, www.dailyom.com, posted a beautiful meditation on being willing to reveal our full self to others. It said, in part, “Those of us who were lucky enough to have a parent who was able to keep it real may find it easier to be that way ourselves. The rest of us may have to work a little harder to let go of our pretenses and share the beauty and humor of our real selves. Our reward for taking such a risk is that as we do, we will attract and inspire others, giving them the permission to be real too.”
Later today, we had the great opportunity to share the afternoon with a fascinating man. Nearly 90 years old, WJ told us stories that were truly jaw dropping. He was on the crew of an American Air Force plane in the 1940s that provided Mahatma Gandhi with his FIRST AIRPLANE RIDE! WJ also invented the sensing device that governs internal cooling in big computer units. He climbed the third highest mountain in the world, named Kanchenjunga, when he was 22.
Living in Bangalore during WW II, WJ shot cobras he found in his tent, saw widows throw themselves on funeral pyres, and designed an airplane carburetor that allowed planes to fly at 60,000 feet over the Himalayas and not ice up. I told my husband, Thurmond, that talking with WJ is the closest we will ever get to experiencing what it must have felt like to talk with Thomas Edison.
But if WJ's daughter Pat had not asked if we wouldn’t mind hosting her father while she worked hard to clean up and close up their summer camp, we wouldn’t had heard his tales.
Thank you, Pat! Thank you, WJ! Thank you for reminding us of the great good things that happen when neighbors reach out to neighbors.
Thank you, Pat! Thank you, WJ! Thank you for reminding us of the great good things that happen when neighbors reach out to neighbors.
i APOLOGIZE FOR NOT ALWAYS ASKING FOR HELP. I THINK I NEEDED TO PROVE MYSELF ABLE TO BE INDEPENDENT.i BELIEVE THIS IS OFTEN THE CASE WHEN WE'VE LIVED IN A VERY STRUCTURED, DIRECTED ENVIRONMENT. i STILL LOVE TO BE VERY INDEPENDENT. tO STAND TALL. lOVE YOU FOR MAKING US ALL THINK. mom
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