
A friend I have not heard from in more years than you could imagine found me through the magic of the internet. She wrote me an email. I have invited her to continue the conversation on the blog.
NOTE: Here are two photos of a wonderful fresh sweet drink being made at the train station...sugar cane juice! See the cane being crushed, and below, the juice. Life is full of amazing moments, one after another. The commencement of the following conversation is yet another such moment.
From my old friend:
"I almost sat down at my home computer to write to you last night. It was a terrible horrible day, just one more in a chain of too many terrible horrible days. I was emotionally exhausted, physically numb, and for some reason finding myself drawn to corresponding with you, much like I have been drawn to searching for you through the years. But, as usual, I ignored my inner promptings and fell asleep in front of the TV (after downing two sleeping pills). I have been carting around your Armchair Yoga ‘book,’ In my car. which I had printed at work last week. When I got to work this morning, I started reading it, and found a little bit of energy (hope?) working it’s way from my feet, up my body and into my chest. Being one who (1) tried yoga and couldn’t do ANY of the positions, (2) stuffs feelings via Ben and Jerry’s and (3) whose struggles with emotional/mental health seem to get more intense with each passing year, I can hardly wait to get home to continue reading your book (and maybe practicing). I stopped, because I was at work, right at the Six-Question Quiz. I cannot allow myself the luxury to ‘go there’ while at the office. Years ago, I took part in a Buddhist sanga at church and, for the first time EVER, was able to quiet the madness of judgment and criticism that bounces around in my brain pretty much 24-7. When I take time to meditate, it continues to help me be a little more mindful (is there such a thing as a little more mindful, or is it more like being pregnant – you are or you aren’t!). However, the demon of the family legacy is the never-ending replay of hurt and rejection, the gift that keeps on giving. I know that back in high school I talked with you a bit about my home life. Things were much worse than I ever told anyone. And even today I am triggered by small things. The size of the ‘thing’ does not at all correspond to the size of my reaction, and if I am not incredibly and thoroughly grounded, I end up a beat-up little girl again. A cross word from a friend feels like a fist in my gut. My emotional antenna are constantly twitching, trying to predict from which direction the next kick or slap will make it’s appearances. It seems that having gone through that once should inoculate me against recurring episodes, even purely emotional ones. Therapy has helped with the severity and length of the dark waves that threaten to smother me. I do still have the waves, and am fighting my way to the surface even now. That is not to say I don’t have joy…at times. And gratitude. I definitely have known love, from friends and my children. For that I am deeply grateful. I just wish that love could ALWAYS snatch me out of the dark ocean of despair. Perhaps it does, eventually. Just not in MY timing! I know this is the end of your day, so don’t feel it necessary to respond to this message. I mainly wanted you to know I am going to continue reading your spiritual work when I get home. If it is OK with you, I would like to keep you apprised of how it goes… "

I wrote her back:
I have wanted to write for some time, you must know if you check the blog, that I have been busy as a CNA this past week. The work continues another week, then I head to Hyderabad, another big city, to volunteer at a yoga camp and do other projects with street families/poor. Very fulfilling. Are you ready to end the chain of horrible/terrible days? Are you willing to see you are the author? These are two powerful questions, but when you can say YES to them both, you can choose or not to work with me via email and 100 percent, fully and forever heal yourself. You can enter the next chapter of your life, and experience a joy you have not known well for 50 years. Pray about your willingness to let go of your preconceptions, assumptions, stories and victimhood. See what you prize most...your joy or your need to be right (and therefore keep hurting, to prove you have been wronged.) Rest assured, I write this with no judgment. I have no idea what the extent of your abuse has been. I only know that total well being awaits you, when you give up the exhausting path you have been walking. I believe, in my heart of hearts, this is why you contacted me. This is the work I do. Guiding others in their healing. You are your healer, I will only ask the questions. Much love to you this March day, Bethany
She wrote me back:
"Dear Friend,I think about your last e-mail message every day. I got stuck on something in your message, and, being a stubborn old lady, cannot seem to let it go. That was your reference to God. I don’t believe there is a God/god. Actually, I really don’t know if I don’t believe, or if a streak of left-over anger is keeping me from considering such a thing! The worst hurts in my life have been brought about by Christians, including my family, and trying to make myself accept/believe in a deity is a mountain I am not yet willing to climb. That is why I had not yet responded to your message/offer about working with me. I will write more to you when I go home tonight. I have been reading both your blogs, and have completely changed how I am eating…will write more about this tonight. Oh, and I found out last week that I am NOT being hired in this temp. position. I have been temping here since last August, and they were going to hire me in November. Through a glitch at HR, the wrong job posting went out, and they did not post it again until last month. In this economy, people with Masters are working at Burger King, so I have been grateful just to have a job, no matter how temporary. However, I did believe I was going to be a permanent employee at some point, and now that is not going to happen. Still coming to some kind of peace with another job change or possible unemployment. So you folks in India have the ability to use “Skype?” It is a free video ‘telephone’ service. I do not have a camera on my computer, but my friends upstairs do. If you had skype, we could actually have a face-to-face conversation. If you are interested, it can be found at
http://www.skype.com/. I look forward to getting home tonight so I can write, a little more in-depth, about your offer to work with me."
I wrote her back:
So glad to get your message! Can you translate God to mean UNIVERSE? That powerful consciousness or love that is in all living things? Maybe Mother Nature is your term? Whatever creates the beauty and balance in the day?I apologize for using a charged word with you; I have many friends who have taught me better, forgive me! The terminology can be a real speed bump...I can speak your language, have no fear. I AM SO HAPPY YOU TOLD ME THE TRUTH!! That is awesome. So, whatever helps the seasons change, makes 14 year old boys get whiskers and makes mango season be around the corner....that is the energy I like to feel in my veins. The life force. No personal God, just the prana, the life. Will wait to hear from you. I'm excited about you changing your eating. Change your eating, change your life! Love, B
She wrote me back:
"Bethany, I laughed as I read your response. I am such a Unitarian Universalist!!! Although I have made great strides in being accepting and tolerant of other’s views, this god thing still stumps me. But as I read all the difference things you suggested (in terms of translating the god word), I just laughed. It kind of put my resistance into perspective. Prana…that is an exciting word for me. I did not realize it meant ‘life.’ It opens up a whole new area of thought for me. Will write to you later."
I wrote her back:
Prana is that life force, the breath that fuels us, and the energy behind it. I am glad you laughed. All of life is a comedy, honestly. We keep making it a drama, but it is a comedy. Maybe we should have this conversation on the blog, and share it with the world....it is so powerful...and you can remain anonymous. Go to my blog, I am going to write a note to invite you to speak there...Love, B
She wrote back:
"OK. I will respond to your invite!" CLICK ON THE COMMENTS BELOW TO CONTINUE READING THE CONVERSATION! PLEASE ADD YOUR OWN COMMENTS.