Cheerleading Dreamers

Visiting with hundreds of brown eyed children and teens here in Hyderabad during this season’s Youth Camps, I learn their names and then ask, “What are your dreams for your life?”
(Visiting a joyous family in their hut. Hindus, they recently shaved their heads for religious reasons. I wonder, would I be able to smile as they do, living in the slums?)
Raised in the poorest conditions, few of these kids appear to have considered their dreams.

Looking to India’s high earning 20 and 30 year olds for an answer, many boys and girls reply, “IT (information technology), engineering, computer software.” But are these professions what most teens are passionate about or even possess any natural ability for doing?

This past three weeks, I have been volunteering with the Care Foundation for Children and Aging, an international charity that supports more than 250,000 worldwide. My family sponsors children in India; we’ve had sponsorees in the Philippines and Guatemala, too.

What makes CFCA unique and successful is that it focuses on educating children and their mothers. Mothers who have learned a trade and bring needed income to the family view the world more positively, and are a great asset to the family. We all know the power of an encouraging parent, teacher, coach or other authority figure in our lives. I still salute my eighth grade English teacher, Mary Vinton, who told me, when I was 14, “Of course, you are a writer.”

“I am?” I thought with excitement. Up until that moment, I had thought of myself in the traditional ways children do…as a daughter, sister, Girl Scout. I was actually a writer? What a mighty woman Mary Vinton was in my life. She saw something in me and woke me up to myself.

When I consider what small contribution I can make in the lives of India’s children, I believe identifying and underlining their strengths, talents and interests can be a great gift. Beyond sending $30 a month to children through CFCA, we sponsors pray for and uplift poor families, knowing their health and well being will shape a large part of beloved India’s future.

(Mr. and Mrs. George Reddy with daughter Mary, of Hyderabad We learned yesterday Mary passed her exams and is now a medical doctor! Our family joins Mary's celebration, as my husband was blessed to fund her medical school education.)
If you saw Slumdog Millionaire and were moved by the plight of slum children, why not move from merely watching the life of India's poor to improving it? Families who live in slum housing that is smaller and far less comfortable than an old van or SUV await your love and attention.

Oh, let us all remember the power of encouraging words, and express them often! While I wish I was heading up the Gates Foundation, my resources are limited….fortunately, my capacity to cheerlead dreamers is limitless.

Making Healthy Choices, Creating Good Conditions

A few years ago, a then-11 year old friend of mine said she was having trouble staying in a particular home because, "I can't make healthy choices here."

What great environmental awareness, particularly for such a young person!

So many of us continue to stay in place and with people who are not good influences, keep us feeling powerless, unhappy, angry or worse.

Just this week, another friend told me that her entire childhood was defined by hearing how much she disappointed her father...from her grades, to her handwriting, to her table manners. "If I dropped a fork on the floor at a meal, I shook in fear," she recalled.

Children are rarely able to protect themselves from such abuse and neglect. And because this pattern is established early in life, where the one who "loves you" is also your harshest critic and judge, such abused children often select lovers and life partners who are equally cruel and hurtful. We seek the familiar, regardless of the pain, in the name of love.

Waking up to this conditioning is both freeing and startling! On one hand, we are gladdened with this new awareness, as it means we can stop the madness. But on the other hand, we can have trouble accepting the adults who hurt us; sometimes choosing to lash out or reject them. A good reminder is to remember that, in most cases, all of us are doing the best we can. Parents who damage their children are almost always damaged children themselves...part of a long line of abusers. What a great moment in a family history, when a generation comes along that vows, "The abuse stops here. I will not continue such unacceptable behavior." With this commitment, we can also find some compassion for our abuser, seeing them as much a victim as we see ourselves.

Awake and aware, we are able to create good conditions for ourselves, choosing and developing an environment where we are supported, encouraged, understood and loved. Like the hothouse flower who needs the right temperature, proper soil and adequate water, each of us can learn what we need to blossom and bloom!

Photos and video from a visit April 22, 2009 to Child Haven International, an orphanage on the outskirts of Hyderabad. We brought 120 pure fruit bars, 30 pounds of green grapes and 15 big watermelons to share with the 115 children.Thanks to friends and yoga students who donated the fruits, toys, clothes, shoes, books, jewelry and more. The lovely girl in the pearls is one of my sweethearts in India, 13 year old Sneha, who wants to be a doctor. Who will support her dream? If you are interested, leave a comment. Med School is about $1000 year here!

Endless Timeless Dance of Joyous Creation

Most of my life, I've been a seeker. A seeker of meaning, purpose and an understanding of this breathtaking Cosmos.

In 1986, I became a Christian, a giant leap in my developing faith life. I became smitten by the message of Jesus. So straightforward, so beautiful, so all encompassing. Knowing he dined with prostitutes, tax collectors and lepers...three of the least appealing groups of his time...made me even more drawn to his teaching to love one another. Period.

In her new book, The Secret Magdalene, Ki Longfellow has taken on a giant task...sorting through thousands of pages of history and conjecture, to create a picture of the life of one of Jesus' closest friends, Mary Magdalene.

Please let me share what I consider the heart of the book, on page 351, some of Magdalene's musings:

“Plato taught that the first principle is intellect whose only function can be to think and the only possible object of thought must be itself. But I must ask: why, then, did it act? Does it not seem more likely that the first principle is not intellect, but Consciousness, which being aware, would not only think, but feel and, in feeling, would desire to express itself? All reality is that expression. The stars and all they contain, the earth and all that goes on it, man and every moment he makes or thoughts he thinks. Nothing can be separate from Consciousness, and nothing can be ‘fallen.’ There can only be the myriad expression of Consciousness, which is neither good nor evil, but is infinite experience.

“God is not a being outside the Self, not has it gender, nor it is burdened with a desire to find fault or to test, or a need to command obedience. God is Consciousness---which is All There Is. And we are how it knows itself in all its infinite variety. God is an endless timeless dance of joyous creation. All this, so that God might know itself---and glory in the contemplation thereof.”

I don't recall reading anything better or more lovely. To underscore my agreement, I include a picture from a recent village welcome I received, part of that endless timeless dance of joyous creation Mary Magdalene describes!

Looking for a New Job with Meaning?

In my latest post within the ongoing dialogue that started in an April 6 post, I reference two of my favorite models for living and working in community.

With many Americans looking for work these days, perhaps a position of service is worth considering? I find great meaning and sustenance through giving, and recommend it highly to those who are ready for something different.

L'Arche and Camphill are the two communities I regard and recommend with great affection. Each actually has many separate entities around the world, and are designed to serve those labeled developmentally disabled.

One model is a more overtly spiritually-based community than the other; both are beautifully uplifting and grounded in a deep reverence for human beings and their right to dignity.

Check them out!

L'Arche



Camphill Communities

Working Mothers and Their Children

Thanks to the hard working staff of the Care Foundation for Children and Aging, I've been meeting hundreds of hardworking mothers operating their own snack shops, hostels, buffalo dairies, dress and tailor shops, vegetable stands and water businesses. Today, I spent time in Basuregadi, a village outside of Hyderabad, where I met women who help feed their families as farmers. Cotton, chili peppers and corn were the most common crops.

One of the highlights was meeting the family of Lakshmi and Nagaraj Varma. Watermelon farmers, they have raised three sons, ages 21, 22 and 24, who are all college graduates. What a remarkable achievement! Working six acres of land, Farmer Varma raises vegetables and fruit to support his family. Only one son, Ravi, is sponsored by CFCA. Ravi is pursuing a degree in business. The eldest son (nicknamed Funny) is working as a computer teacher and on a PhD in psychology. What a great leap in the history of India, in one generation, to achieve this advancement!

p.s. On Easter Sunday, my friends Clement and Sr. Johncy wanted to go to a tailor shop. For the working mother who owns and operates it, the day was not a day of rest. But as you can see, it was for her son!

Forgiveness Means Forgetting, Too

Spending Holy Week with friends who work for Care Foundation for Children and Aging, a Catholic charity in Hyderabad, is wonderful. Holy Thursday (or Maundy Thursday as we refer to it in US) was an outdoor Mass at Sacred Heart Church, with five priests and 3000 parishioners. At the end of the two hour service, big, beautiful hot cross buns were distributed to everyone. Buns were donated by families, with one family giving 2000; it was truly a Manna Moment!

After 6 this morning, we drove to St. Joseph’s Cathedral for a live Passion Play. Again, outdoors, again, lots of people. The actors were in very believable costumes. The Roman soldiers whipped Jesus for about 20 minutes. While the whips were made of braided cloth, the snapping we heard was real. Welts were really coming up on the actor. Later, I learned he had fasted for 40 days prior to this Tableau, to prepare for the part.

Sitting with a new friend, Sister Johncy, who is a sister in the Holy Family Congregation, we both cried. It was so hard to see the whipping. Somehow, in the hot sun of the East, the story became more real. I was thinking of the sanitized Maundy Thursday programs I have participated in at St. Paul’s in Barton, Vermont. Playing Veronica, I simply gesture offstage to the imagined Jesus. We have not included the cruelty done unto him as part of our presentation. I don’t espouse violence at all, but seeing this man stagger carrying his cross was searing.

Afterwards, Sister Johncy and Clement, a former nun who works as a CFCA social worker, and I talked about the Passion of Christ. Typically, the Passion is interpreted as his suffering, but we began to think that Jesus’ Passion is really that he loves us so much, he was willing to suffer. His Passion Is Love.

We also discussed he profound message of forgiveness. CFCA director Suresh (cfcausa.org) said that, in the days of Jesus, when he said, “forgive 70 times 7,” it is the equivalent of our saying today, “forgive a million times.” Lately, I have been meditating on the idea of forgiveness, total forgiveness. So, it was no accident that I received an email this Good Friday from a friend that reads, in part:

“I understand the forgiveness thing and the judging thing. I went to confession yesterday, just for mainly that reason. Funny that we are both battling the same. The priest told me to spend more time in prayer, that we are humans and the devil likes to get hold of us. He said to pray all the time to not let those weaknesses take over. My dilemma is that I feel like I have forgiven someone for being a jerk, as we have all done jerky things, but I can't seem to forget. Does it mean that one has not forgiven if they can not forget????? I know others have life long painful instances that that keep going back to.”

Today, after watching the play and seeing Jesus ask that his crucifiers be forgiven, because they didn’t know what they were doing, I can answer my friend’s question more clearly.

YES, I think true, total forgiveness means forgetting, as well. Forgetting in the sense that we don’t keep the memory alive as a way of separating ourselves from the person who hurt us. I do think we must learn from abusive events, and develop ways of protecting ourselves and avoiding harm’s way. In some instances, that means we no longer associate with certain people. But we still move on, forgiving and forgetting. We see their behavior as being committed by a damaged soul, someone who was also hurt and damaged. Our abusers are not aware, not fully awake to the beauty of life, to the connection we share. They don’t know that we are each other’s keeper, that we are part of a larger family.

On Wednesday, I spent time at a CFCA Mothers’ Group, teaching some yogic breathing and encouraging these lovely women to stay positive and motivated about the important work they do in their families. Looking into their eyes, sometimes seeing despair and fear, other times exhaustion yet hope, I felt so close, so connected.

How can I not forgive and forget those who aren’t aware of this connection? To not forgive and forget, I think, I keep myself small, and identify too much with the person who abused or hurt me. They put distance between people, which allows them to hurt others. I don’t want to emulate them. I prefer to follow Jesus.
p.s. hope you will continue to read the ongoing conversation in an earlier posting below, started April 9, here.

A Dialogue Begins...We Create An Amazing Moment

A friend I have not heard from in more years than you could imagine found me through the magic of the internet. She wrote me an email. I have invited her to continue the conversation on the blog.
NOTE: Here are two photos of a wonderful fresh sweet drink being made at the train station...sugar cane juice! See the cane being crushed, and below, the juice. Life is full of amazing moments, one after another. The commencement of the following conversation is yet another such moment.

From my old friend:

"I almost sat down at my home computer to write to you last night. It was a terrible horrible day, just one more in a chain of too many terrible horrible days. I was emotionally exhausted, physically numb, and for some reason finding myself drawn to corresponding with you, much like I have been drawn to searching for you through the years. But, as usual, I ignored my inner promptings and fell asleep in front of the TV (after downing two sleeping pills). I have been carting around your Armchair Yoga ‘book,’ In my car. which I had printed at work last week. When I got to work this morning, I started reading it, and found a little bit of energy (hope?) working it’s way from my feet, up my body and into my chest. Being one who (1) tried yoga and couldn’t do ANY of the positions, (2) stuffs feelings via Ben and Jerry’s and (3) whose struggles with emotional/mental health seem to get more intense with each passing year, I can hardly wait to get home to continue reading your book (and maybe practicing). I stopped, because I was at work, right at the Six-Question Quiz. I cannot allow myself the luxury to ‘go there’ while at the office. Years ago, I took part in a Buddhist sanga at church and, for the first time EVER, was able to quiet the madness of judgment and criticism that bounces around in my brain pretty much 24-7. When I take time to meditate, it continues to help me be a little more mindful (is there such a thing as a little more mindful, or is it more like being pregnant – you are or you aren’t!). However, the demon of the family legacy is the never-ending replay of hurt and rejection, the gift that keeps on giving. I know that back in high school I talked with you a bit about my home life. Things were much worse than I ever told anyone. And even today I am triggered by small things. The size of the ‘thing’ does not at all correspond to the size of my reaction, and if I am not incredibly and thoroughly grounded, I end up a beat-up little girl again. A cross word from a friend feels like a fist in my gut. My emotional antenna are constantly twitching, trying to predict from which direction the next kick or slap will make it’s appearances. It seems that having gone through that once should inoculate me against recurring episodes, even purely emotional ones. Therapy has helped with the severity and length of the dark waves that threaten to smother me. I do still have the waves, and am fighting my way to the surface even now. That is not to say I don’t have joy…at times. And gratitude. I definitely have known love, from friends and my children. For that I am deeply grateful. I just wish that love could ALWAYS snatch me out of the dark ocean of despair. Perhaps it does, eventually. Just not in MY timing! I know this is the end of your day, so don’t feel it necessary to respond to this message. I mainly wanted you to know I am going to continue reading your spiritual work when I get home. If it is OK with you, I would like to keep you apprised of how it goes… "

I wrote her back:

I have wanted to write for some time, you must know if you check the blog, that I have been busy as a CNA this past week. The work continues another week, then I head to Hyderabad, another big city, to volunteer at a yoga camp and do other projects with street families/poor. Very fulfilling. Are you ready to end the chain of horrible/terrible days? Are you willing to see you are the author? These are two powerful questions, but when you can say YES to them both, you can choose or not to work with me via email and 100 percent, fully and forever heal yourself. You can enter the next chapter of your life, and experience a joy you have not known well for 50 years. Pray about your willingness to let go of your preconceptions, assumptions, stories and victimhood. See what you prize most...your joy or your need to be right (and therefore keep hurting, to prove you have been wronged.) Rest assured, I write this with no judgment. I have no idea what the extent of your abuse has been. I only know that total well being awaits you, when you give up the exhausting path you have been walking. I believe, in my heart of hearts, this is why you contacted me. This is the work I do. Guiding others in their healing. You are your healer, I will only ask the questions. Much love to you this March day, Bethany
She wrote me back:

"Dear Friend,I think about your last e-mail message every day. I got stuck on something in your message, and, being a stubborn old lady, cannot seem to let it go. That was your reference to God. I don’t believe there is a God/god. Actually, I really don’t know if I don’t believe, or if a streak of left-over anger is keeping me from considering such a thing! The worst hurts in my life have been brought about by Christians, including my family, and trying to make myself accept/believe in a deity is a mountain I am not yet willing to climb. That is why I had not yet responded to your message/offer about working with me. I will write more to you when I go home tonight. I have been reading both your blogs, and have completely changed how I am eating…will write more about this tonight. Oh, and I found out last week that I am NOT being hired in this temp. position. I have been temping here since last August, and they were going to hire me in November. Through a glitch at HR, the wrong job posting went out, and they did not post it again until last month. In this economy, people with Masters are working at Burger King, so I have been grateful just to have a job, no matter how temporary. However, I did believe I was going to be a permanent employee at some point, and now that is not going to happen. Still coming to some kind of peace with another job change or possible unemployment. So you folks in India have the ability to use “Skype?” It is a free video ‘telephone’ service. I do not have a camera on my computer, but my friends upstairs do. If you had skype, we could actually have a face-to-face conversation. If you are interested, it can be found at http://www.skype.com/. I look forward to getting home tonight so I can write, a little more in-depth, about your offer to work with me."

I wrote her back:

So glad to get your message! Can you translate God to mean UNIVERSE? That powerful consciousness or love that is in all living things? Maybe Mother Nature is your term? Whatever creates the beauty and balance in the day?I apologize for using a charged word with you; I have many friends who have taught me better, forgive me! The terminology can be a real speed bump...I can speak your language, have no fear. I AM SO HAPPY YOU TOLD ME THE TRUTH!! That is awesome. So, whatever helps the seasons change, makes 14 year old boys get whiskers and makes mango season be around the corner....that is the energy I like to feel in my veins. The life force. No personal God, just the prana, the life. Will wait to hear from you. I'm excited about you changing your eating. Change your eating, change your life! Love, B

She wrote me back:

"Bethany, I laughed as I read your response. I am such a Unitarian Universalist!!! Although I have made great strides in being accepting and tolerant of other’s views, this god thing still stumps me. But as I read all the difference things you suggested (in terms of translating the god word), I just laughed. It kind of put my resistance into perspective. Prana…that is an exciting word for me. I did not realize it meant ‘life.’ It opens up a whole new area of thought for me. Will write to you later."

I wrote her back:

Prana is that life force, the breath that fuels us, and the energy behind it. I am glad you laughed. All of life is a comedy, honestly. We keep making it a drama, but it is a comedy. Maybe we should have this conversation on the blog, and share it with the world....it is so powerful...and you can remain anonymous. Go to my blog, I am going to write a note to invite you to speak there...Love, B
She wrote back:

"OK. I will respond to your invite!" CLICK ON THE COMMENTS BELOW TO CONTINUE READING THE CONVERSATION! PLEASE ADD YOUR OWN COMMENTS.

Create Space to Receive

When you use a bowl, do you use the empty space or the walls that surround it?

You use the space, because without space, nothing can be received.

If it is already full, nobody can give you anything.

Confucius

The Moon is Her Lover

Die Lotosblume (The Lotus Flower)
The Lotus flower is anxious in the sun's radiance
And with a hanging head, awaits,
Dreaming for the night.

The moon who is her lover,
Awakens her with his light.
And for him smiling,
Unveils her innocent flower face.
She blooms, and glows, and gleams,
And gazes silently upwards.
She is fragrant and weeps, and trembles,
With love and love's torments,
With love and love's torments.

In 1842, composer Robert Schumann put this poem by Heinrich Heine to music.

Here is a slightly different translation of the German verse:

The lotus-flower fears
the splendour of the sun,
and with bowed head,
dreaming, awaits the night.
The moon is her lover,
and wakes her with his light,
and to him she gladly unveils
her innocent flower-like face.
She blooms and glows and gleams,
gazing dumbly toward the sky;
she is fragrant and weeps and trembles
with love and the pain of love.

I heard Emily Roth, a beautiful young soprano, sing this love song at St. Bernard's Catholic Church in New Port Richey, Florida, in January. Seeing lotuses in India reminded me of her, and I wanted to share the poem.

Isn't it Time to Be Happy?

Do you know we make our own unhappiness?


When we believe joy is something that is created or altered on a daily basis, based on what happens Out There, we get in trouble. When we bring our own stinging judgment to ourselves or others, we stomp on happiness. Our interpretation of life often keeps us small, isolated and unhappy.



Realizing that we were born with a great, limitless well of joy (just look at a baby giggle with joy...they own nothing!) we are free, we are happy.


The secret, as taught by all spiritual traditions, is to wake up to the great inner truth that our nature is Bliss Absolute. Once we can see life from this awareness, everything changes in an instant.



Years ago, I was given the following poem, a poem full of wisdom. I was told the it was written by Elberta Farrar Herrin on her deathbed, in a Vermont nursing home.

Reading Elberta's words, you can decide today, well before you die, to embrace a life philosophy of going more with the flow, of letting go of your need to control. That need to control makes us so unhappy!



Forgive me, Lord.


If I have judged the different to be bad because it was strange to me,


Forgive me, Lord.


If I have condemned those who struggle with the new,


If I saw anger or disrespect where there was none,


If I have been harsh toward those whose vision made themsee danger or disrespect where there was none,


Forgive me, Lord.


If I have silenced music, If I have paralyzed the dance,


If I have slashed the canvas, burned the books, cleared the stage, choked the laughter,


Forgive me, Lord.


If I have fostered mediocrity for the sake of acceptability,


If I have shunned awe in the presence of the sacred,


If anger or fear has led me to dishonesty or distortion,


Forgive me, Lord.


Elberta Farrar Herrin

I am sharing this photo of a banana tree supporting a tomato plant, because I consider the supportive relationship of the two living things such a great reminder for us all. How clever! How creative! How simple! How life giving! We can all offer each other a bit of support, be it through sharing this blog or smiling at a stranger. Let's each do our part, and watch what happens. In a supportive environment, it is much easier to discover your own Inner Joy, that Bliss Absolute.

A New Blog Is Born

Thanks to yoga students, massage clients and other great people I've met on my journey, I've felt encouraged to create another blog. When you hear the subject, you might consider this posting an April Fool's joke, but I assure you, it is not.

Visit http://www.leaveconstipationbehindyou.blogspot.com/. Learn some of the basic practices I teach, to help people achieve wonderful, healthy regularity. Why not mimic this beautiful tree in my neighbor's yard here in Bangalore? See how easily it let's go of the waste, releasing what it no longer needs? You can, too!

Laxatives, suppositories, enemas, colonics and the like are not the way to create a lasting, healthy system of elimination. Rather, we each need to find the lifestyle that provides us balance: with enough sleep, regular movements, proper weight, good physical and mental health.

Of course, we know a key factor, if not THE key factor is what we eat. The wrong foods quickly lead to constipation. One of my yoga teachers used to say that constipation leads to STROKES. "If you meet someone who has had a stroke," he said, "You can be pretty certain they have a problem with constipation."

The reason? Carrying toxins and poisons and waste in the body that should be eliminated exhausts your heart, kidneys, and other organs. They valiantly try to keep the dirty blood from harming you, but unless you empty your bowels regularly, autointoxication arises.

Treating ourselves to deep, full yogic breaths is also a great technique for relaxing the intestines. A few months ago, I taught a young woman about breathing. Here is part of her joyous report on her success:


“I began practicing the breathing techniques every morning and although I still don't have "regular" (meaning everyday) bowel movements, at least I have learned how to "do it" without the laxatives. For instance, I had not had a movement for about 3 or 4 days (I need to keep track of those) as of Monday, so I concentrated on eating more fruit and drinking more water, then when I got home I did about 45 minutes of breathing and again lots of water and hot tea. Yesterday morning I was miserable, to say the least, but I did my breathing and within an hour or so I had a movement and I had 2 more later that day. This morning another and I feel so much better. I cannot believe that I have suffered with this for almost 20 years and now all I have to do is remember to relax and breathe properly. I have not had to use any laxatives for at least 2 months now. You have helped change my life for the better and I cannot thank you enough.”

Please share the new blog address with friends and family who suffer from a sluggish system. I have written a short book called "How He Put Constipation Behind Him," which I plan on making available soon. Until then, check the blog for help.

Let me close with a nice meditation for healthy living:

In a quiet space, sit comfortably and enjoy a deep exhale. As you inhale, feel how the lightness of the breath creates a sense of weightlessness in your body. As you exhale, allow yourself to release tension, unwanted and unneeded thoughts and other negative energies. Continue to breathe in healing white light. With each exhale, imagine letting go of an activity, piece of personal property or a relationship you are ready to detach from. Allow yourself to let go of whatever is no longer serving you. This can be a memory, an old disappointment or just a belief about yourself that you have outgrown. Empty your mind. See this old thought or relationship or item float away on the smokiness of your exhale. Relax. Release. Exhale.