A few years ago, a then-11 year old friend of mine said she was having trouble staying in a particular home because, "I can't make healthy choices here."What great environmental awareness, particularly for such a young person!
So many of us continue to stay in place and with people who are not good influences, keep us feeling powerless, unhappy, angry or worse.
Just this week, another friend told me that her entire childhood was defined by hearing how much she disappointed her father...from her grades, to her handwriting, to her table manners. "If I dropped a fork on the floor at a meal, I shook in fear," she recalled.
Children are rarely able to protect themselves from such abuse and neglect. And because this pattern is established early in life, where the one who "loves you" is also your harshest critic and judge, such abused children often select lovers and life partners who are equally cruel and hurtful. We seek the familiar, regardless of the pain, in the name of love.
Waking up to this conditioning is both freeing and startling! On one hand, we are gladdened with this new awareness, as it means we can stop the madness. But on the other hand, we can have trouble accepting the adults who hurt us; sometimes choosing to lash out or reject them. A good reminder is to remember that, in most cases, all of us are doing the best we can. Parents who damage their children are almost always damaged children themselves...part of a long line of abusers. What a great moment in a family history, when a generation comes along that vows, "The abuse stops here. I will not continue such unacceptable behavior." With this commitment, we can also find some compassion for our abuser, seeing them as much a victim as we see ourselves.
Awake and aware, we are able to create good conditions for ourselves, choosing and developing an environment where we are supported, encouraged, understood and loved. Like the hothouse flower who needs the right temperature, proper soil and adequate water, each of us can learn what we need to blossom and bloom!
Photos and video from a visit April 22, 2009 to Child Haven International, an orphanage on the outskirts of Hyderabad. We brought 120 pure fruit bars, 30 pounds of green grapes and 15 big watermelons to share with the 115 children.
Thanks to friends and yoga students who donated the fruits, toys, clothes, shoes, books, jewelry and more. The lovely girl in the pearls is one of my sweethearts in India, 13 year old Sneha, who wants to be a doctor. Who will support her dream? If you are interested, leave a comment. Med School is about $1000 year here!
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