Living in the Visible, Awakening to the Invisible

Afternoon televised soap operas don't play a big part in my life, but, thanks to two friends (Alice in the US and Sujata in India), I have watched Bold and Beautiful and Young and Restless off and on, for the past six years.

Besides the strong story line about DECEIT (everyone is always lying to someone and worried the lie will be discovered) the major trademark of these daytime dramas is that if a character has a streak of good luck, you can be dang sure something horrible is waiting around the next corner!

Alice and Sujata and I would laugh about this formula: if Stephanie smoothed over her conflicts with Brooke and got close to her husband Eric again...she would soon face the death of granddaughter Phoebe and Eric's cheating with Donna. Yup, it is an absolute certainty on the soaps that if life is going along swimmingly, somebody is gonna drown.

So isn't this pattern of good/bad, easy/tough, simple/complicated, clarity/confusion called LIFE?

The only difference between the soap actors and us is that we have the freedom and power to interpret what happens in a different way.

When good things happen, we can ride that wave of pleasure.

When difficult times occur, we can seek the lessons of the moment and know that whether something gets labeled good or bad, it is Just Life, and Everything Changes.

India's wise, wise teacher, Astavakra, in his short treatise, Astavakra Gita, (sometimes called the Samhita) explains what he called the "Supreme Reality", which is that we must transcend what seems to be happening and enter the Stupendous State. This ancient sage taught that what we call life is a dream, and we must wake up to something far greater. I read my Astavakra Gita as often as my Bible; I love the lessons, and especially this one: "How can the pleasures and sorrows of the dream affect anymore the one who has awakened?"

In other words, our reaction or interpretation is what labels a moment "a good experience" or "a bad experience." It is really neither, once we move beyond our fascination with the limited concrete world.

I had to comfort myself with this truth when Alice died earlier this month, pretty close to her 100th birthday. She was unafraid, and had the mightiest love of Jesus I have ever witnessed. Alice knew there was more to life than meets the eye .

I reminded myself of this truth today, when I had to wash our enormous comforter because one of the dogs decided it was easier to pee in the bed then go out into the windy day. (How ironic! My comforter provided me such discomfort....a good soap opera story line, huh?)

And I reminded myself again when I found the dog had chewed open a doggy toy, and the fuzzy white stuffing had spread all over the comforter in the washing machine.

And I further reinforced this mindset when, throwing the heavy comforter on the outside clothes drying rack, the rack spun around and hit me in the mouth, cutting my lip and making me bleed.

I'M NOT KIDDING!

Fortunately, besides recalling Astavakra's wisdom, I know from watching Poor Stephanie on Bold and Beautiful that once three bad things happen, the good times will roll again. For awhile. Ha!

p.s. Last week, Sad Sharon, on Young and Restless, was really happy going on her honeymoon by private jet with her new husband Adam. They crashed yesterday (see photo above), but I missed the show today, cuz of the Comforter Case, and I had to go to the doctor, and blah blah blah....

'Tis Christmas on Belle Terre Road

For a northern girl (raised in Michigan, living in Vermont) walking the dogs on Christmas morning, in my pajamas, is hard to imagine!

Yet, this morning, that is just what happened. (I bought a super sized pair of PJs, as I love the baggy fit!) Here I am with Haskell and Cindy. Can you see our neighbor, Larry, the talented chef who is making a Christmas feast for us all?

I had fun preparing a pomagranate(as Lalitha taught me in India) and serving it mixed in yogurt, in a red bowl with red spoon! Christmas colors, Christmas treat.

Making some yeast rolls for our 2 p.m. meal at Larry's, and feeling grateful and nostalgic. Grateful for all we have, and nostalgic for Christmases past, and all the people who played loving roles at those celebrations. Christmas in Kalamazoo, Montpelier, Hyderabad, Bangalore and now, Florida. I send my loving, best wishes to all...may 2010 be your best year yet!

Saved By Sense of Humor

Christmas Week. Children wanting. Families stretched. Santa overtaxed or possibly absent.

As the Universe would create, yesterday my phone started ringing and ringing, incoming calls destined for the Florida Department of Children and Families (DCF), and somehow misrouted to our home.

"I need to get my food stamps," one mother said, her voice clearly stressed and scared. On the next call I heard a baby screaming in the background. "I got a message that my application was incomplete," the tired young mother said.

How did this mixup happen? The number clients were calling wasn't remotely like ours, not even the same area code.

My phone company suggested that a welfare worker had forwarded her office phone incorrectly, punching in my number. They said her number was unlisted, and they had no idea who she was or what could be done.

So, I decided to just answer the phone, explain the problem, and wish the callers well, reassuring them that things would work out.

This morning, when the calls started up again and came one after another, I decided to do some sleuthing. An online search produced a DCF administrative phone number, and after being transferred three times, I was connected to Joann in Information Technology (IT). She laughed with me at the absurdity of the situation, and kept thanking me for my NOT getting angry or irritated. "I know what it is like when clients get a hold of a number, they just keep calling," she said.

"Well, I decided that it must be my role this week to reassure the poor that things will work out," I replied. From my vantage point, the truly inconvenienced parties in this scenario were the clients without benefits and the worker not getting her work done. I had no role, so I chose one. I chose to see the whole event as funny, and to be a voice of peace and comfort.

What surprised me was how surprised and grateful the various government workers were about my mood. Is kindness so rare? Is a sense of humor only reserved for Comedy Central viewers?

When I study and read the wisdom of the Great Spiritual Leaders, I am always drawn to artists who reference the Laughing Jesus and the Laughing Buddha. At first, I found these images strange: I never had seen these faces smiling broadly. But the more I have learned, the more I am convinced that beyond their tender hearts, Jesus and Buddha succeeded as messengers of peace because they knew how to laugh.

Sometimes, expressing laughter over anger must be a conscious choice. We each have the power to pass along laughter, rather than rage. I am grateful I was alert enough to see a weird call-forwarding snafu as such an opportunity. I've been saying I wished I could do something this week for the poor. My wish was fulfilled, wasn't it?!

Tonight's Moon

Have you seen the moon tonight?

We all are looking forward to tomorrow, the actual first day of winter, known as the Winter Solstice. And for most families, even more energy is being spent on Christmas, next Friday.

But tonight, with no warning, I had my breath taken away looking up. What a beautiful, beautiful moon. A very new moon, a rain catcher. Sitting in the navy blue sky.

This Sunday night moon teaches a good lesson. We can easily look forward to a special moment, a certain day, a specific event....and get totally wrapped up in the preparation and anticipation over the coming excitement. Yet, with so much attention focused on later, on next, on the future....what happens to NOW?

No, tonight isn't the Solstice, nor Christmas Eve. It is just an awesome night sky, and the moon is the star. Step outside and take a peek.

Loving Life on Honeymoon Island

Today, the four of us had our first big outing since coming to Florida almost a month ago!

We enjoyed a hazy afternoon on Honeymoon Island in the Gulf of Mexico, a state park with a dog beach.

Don't Haskell and Cindygirl look great in their Christmas collars?

I loved the message on the beach bench: TODAY IS A GIFT: 'THE PRESENT'.

We felt so blessed to enjoy the sun, the sea, the air. Thurmond found a real sponge, and I collected a few gorgeous shells. Feeling sand between our toes was a great treat, especially in December.

Your Virtual Christmas Gift

Dear Friends:

I'm not one to envy, but if I had Oprah's money, it would sure be fun to Christmas shop!

For fashion loving Karen, I would buy a life size mannequin, to dress up, curl her hair, and put on fancy makeup.
Jim knows he would get a few rare gold coins to add to his collection, and Wayne would ride in a private plane to view some of the construction jobs he once worked on.

I think I would make sure Marion had some time backstage at Bold and Beautiful and Young and Restless. Wouldn't that be cool? (Sujata, I would send you on this trip, too.)
Ole Everett just needs a reality TV producer to show up and begin filming his 24 hour show. What a blast it would be to watch that program!

I bet Janet would appreciate a nonstop flight from the Glover parking lot to her Connecticut family's driveway, with several trips made daily.

Bev would be happy with a shorter shuttle....curb to curb from the front door to Hoagie's (and maybe Foxwoods??) that runs on the hour. And a purse full of cash for the trip.

Sadie might enjoy another special dinner dance, in a gorgeous dress and hairdo. And Roberta, a trip to the pet shop, with lots of time to cuddle all the critters. (I wonder how many and what she'll bring home?)

Carolyn, and probably Ruth, would like to live in their own homes again.
Calvin might enjoy a tour of fine restaurants, traveling by limousine.

Looking at the beaches here, I am guessing Shirley would like to feel invigorated by spending another winter in Florida.

Frances, do you think a trip to a bookstore with plenty of money to buy some pretty books would be fun?

Roy might like as afternoon at a truck dealership, and a chance for a nice test drive.

A shopping spree in a handbag store would be my gift to Marjorie. And I think a special private craft class would delight Audrey. For Marian the Native American, a long walk in the woods and a chance to see a lot of deer would be my gift. And maybe sleeping out under the stars.

Miss Ethel, perhaps a trip back in time, with all 10 of your children sitting around the breakfast table?

Roger might like a Big Game Hunt. And Bobby and Jordan, wouldn't you also like an adventure? For John, a fine game of golf on a beautiful course would be perfect.

Who wouldn't be thrilled to be restored to health and youthful energy? Ed, Bob, Rena and Ken, for sure. For Jason, I would buy a miracle.

For Bernadette, Alvira, Gloria and the rest of the crowd, I would love to grant your heart's desire.

Reading my shopping list, it is probably easy to understand why I envy Oprah her bank account. But since her accounts will never be mine, fulfilling this shopping list has to be virtual, in my heart only.

For those receiving just virtual gifts from me, I want you to know one important fact: my shopping list was born out of my love for you. So, while you won't receive any customized gift, you can be certain my love has already been sent.

Are You Living By Remote Control?

I keep remembering your voice. Subdued? Down? Depressed?

I know that voice, as it has been part of my life at different times. I can still hear it in my head at times, though I have made it my Practice to not give it any power, or believe it is Real.

In India, I learned the difference between happiness and joy.

For many years in the early 2000s, I had a low grade depression going all the time. I couldn't identify why I felt this way, though I had lots of theories about who to blame and what needed to be different.

Some friends insisted I go with them to a Paula White revival, a giant event held in Tampa at a sports stadium. Do you know Paula White? She is perhaps 40, and had a life of HELL (on all levels) before she was born again. She specializes in pumping people up, injecting them with Jesus, getting them out of their Blue Funks.

But as I stood there, listening to some great black gospel music and swaying with the crowd, I knew my depression was still with me. Even Paula White couldn't shake me out of it.

Studying with some of the living masters in India (I concept we don't have in the West, that is, people who are considered Divine contemporaries. We think of Jesus as the only one in our culture, and he is long gone) I learned a giant principle. This principal echoed a teaching I learned while studying Sivananda Yoga: I AM BLISS, BLISS I AM. What I learned is that the true nature of human being is JOY. The best evidence I have of this truth is babies. See how naturally joyous they are? Remember what you would do to get your babies to smile or giggle? How did you know you would be able to get them to respond with JOY? Because, that was their being, that was what was inside them. The nature of human being is Pure Abundant Joy.

What happens is that all of the stuff that is happening around us, from day to day, begins to dull us, fatigue us, wear us down. We begin to identify with what is going on Out There, rather than In Here. We let the nasty opinions, rude behavior and unfairnesses of others begin to define how we feel. We surrender our power, we give away our peace, and become remote controlled by external factors. You know all of these factors in your life.

"So now what?" you ask.

Just wake up to this awareness, and life shifts in an Extraordinary Way.

You remember you are Bliss Absolute, and just like the babies, you have JOY at your center.

This Joy is not the same as the happiness that can come from a good cup of coffee, crispy potato chips or a new outfit. That stuff is just the manmade highs that we seek to distract ourselves from the pain of remote control living.

Can you see the difference between Joy and Happiness?

JOY is who you are. There is no more need to seek it or yearn for it. All you have to do is acknowledge it and allow it to bubble up...it sits, waiting, deep within you. Remember, the Buddha taught us that, "Neither praise nor blame shall move me," as that is allowing the remote control living.

I pray this little lesson brings you immediate HOPE.

I love you!

Our Holiday Week

Like most Americans, we found ourselves sitting around a table for a giant feast today, giving thanks for our life of blessings.


Not only do we have a new home, but our new neighbors couldn't be kinder or more generous. Larry and Sandy fed us like royalty, then sent us home with enough leftovers to get us through the weekend.

We continue to work away on our new home. Before the Thanksgiving meal at 2 p.m., Thurmond finished putting the new towel racks, toilet seat and medicine cabinet in the front bedroom. I made rolls and took a nap out in the sunlight, at poolside. And we had our fair share of phone calls with friends and family, reminding us that our relationships are the greatest treasures we possess.

A few shots from our album...

Lapdog with Laptop

Our Cindygirl is enjoying her Southern lifestyle.

I caught her emailing girlfriends back in Vermont, sitting at my laptop.

Her message is mine, too. We send our love and prayers to all family and friends this holiday week. To our friends outside the US who don't celebrate Thanksgiving, we earnestly pray you have plenty of good food and are living in a safe place with people who love you.

Wednesday is also our 19th wedding anniversary. When Rev. Asa Sprague performed our wedding November 25, 1990, in Montpelier, Vermont, Thurmond and I could never have imagined we would be celebrating in Florida in 2009. One of life's many blessings.

What a difference a week makes!

We woke to another blue sky and continue to feel like we need to pinch ourselves, asking, "Is this real?"

While the work of settling into our Florida home has been exhausting (every surface has to be washed!) we sense that, "this is the right place and the right time for our lives."

Friday, when we went to the Salvation Army to buy some furniture, the sign said, "25 percent off furniture today." See what I mean?

When paying for some lovely oil paintings at the Hospice Thrift Shop, the cashier said, "Of course, pictures are 20 percent off today." Of course. Today, we'll hang some of these landscapes, painted by an artist we need to learn about named Ruth Stump. Vertical blinds for windows are on order.

I got myself this enormously comfortable and colorful chair and ottoman, which we call The Peacock Throne. I accept the title and the duties herein....

Thurmond is liking his equally huge couch, he is tucked under a little lap robe now, taking a morning nap. We found a companion easy chair of the same style to round out the room. Still waiting for our TV to arrive, but the cable is in, which is how I can write you today.

We've had no time for watching television anyway; I joke it won't arrive until all the ceilings and walls are washed, and we have one more room to go.

In another hour, we go to the community hall for coffee and donuts, a weekly get together. We are giving ourselves a break and heading over, before returning to more washing, painting, organizing. To think, a week ago at this moment, we were on the New York Northway, heading south.

We are singing heartfelt prayers of gratitude and thanksgiving. Oh, one more thing. Our neighbor Larry, a retired cook to an Army general, has invited us for Thanksgiving. See what I mean?

Living in Love; How I Work for Peace

The mini war in Fort Hood is no different than the bloody skirmishes over the past hundreds of years on dark Belfast street corners. This week's senseless killing in Texas is just like the random acts of violence in Indian marketplaces and tech parks, where bombs take the lives of innocents. Wherever, whenever we hear of such shootings, our hearts ache over the insanity of it all...the families ripped apart, the holes torn in the lives of mothers, wives, children, husbands, fathers.

Hearing of this latest carnage, I again ask, "What can I do?"

After tears and prayer and silent sadness, I find comfort and direction in the same answer that has propelled me forward for many years:

I must live in love, be the presence of kindness wherever I am. We need to resist the urge to argue ourselves into separate polar positions. What value can come from our black and white views....keeping us from finding common ground and peaceful compromises?

Last Wednesday, we held a formal dance at the little health care facility I work in; an evening of live music and dancing. Three local businesses donated fancy gowns and suits for anyone who wanted to get dressed up. We had a ball!

My dear husband Thurmond wore his tuxedo and danced with the ladies, including me. We all had a great time, and offered up our evening of happiness as a small gesture to help tip the world back in balance. Making peace seems more important than ever, doesn't it?

Following the Sun, Again

We woke into November this morning; the thermometer reads 42 F, the clock had to be set back an hour, as we obey the rules of daylight savings time. Our trees are all leafless, and the gold needles of the tamarack coat the pond.

Like geese, we are preparing to leave northern Vermont for the season.

Yesterday, I made the last trip into town to leave our indoor plants for the winter in safe, warm places. Last week, Thurmond transferred about a dozen aloes, spider plants and cacti to Matt and Annica, a lovely young couple who just bought their first home. Our home will be cold and lifeless, as we have chosen Florida for a season. I left our eight foot Norfolk Island Pine Tree at the Barton Public Library (how did this tree get to live my fantasy?) the Christmas cactus, feathery fern and blooming pink vine have spread out in our local banker's big office with the giant window.

When I started leaving for Florida or India each December, our 25 year old cactus began blooming at Thanksgiving, so I could still enjoy her show. This year, she became a Halloween cactus, in full bloom when I deposited her at the bank; how did she know we would be on the road November 14?

Sadness flowed through me as I moved the plants. Not because I am worried about how they will survive the winter or even how I will live without them creating the indoor environment. The sadness was about what the Buddha taught us, about creating our own suffering through attachment. My possession of beauty was now making me sad, because I no longer possess it.

Does this mean our very pursuit of beauty and happiness leads us, inevitably, back to where we started, yearning for beauty and happiness?

I think so. And I think the only way out of this "chasing one's own tail" is to love and appreciate the moment we are in, fully and completely, without any expectations about ongoing ownership or relationship. Now is where it's at.

And soon, our Now will be at Orangewood Lakes, where more trees and plants will bring us beauty and breath. That's what is so wonderful about the Present, we are always provided for.

Closed for the Season

I've just hung up my sign, "Closed for the Season."
What's closing?

My desire to blog.

What's the Season?

The undefined period of time I will not be posting.

Thank you, dear readers, for your attentive and loving support of my writing and my work. I encourage you to consider creating your own blog...a most incredible experience, which, also incredibly, is free. Thank you, Google, for the gift of blogspot.

Let me know if you do open a blog...I just might pop in and leave a comment.

Much love to all on this May Day. May peace prevail on Earth, and let it begin in our lives today. Bethany

The World Welcomes President Obama's Leadership

Thanks to my friend, Bubloo Sen, I am speaking to women's groups this weekend in Bangalore, on the American electoral process and how we came to elect Barack Obama as our 44th president.

Given the worldwide reach of CNN and other cable news networks, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Indian citizens are so tuned into the nuances of the Obama campaign. Everyone seems familiar with the Chicago sea of faces celebrating victory on election night and the gathering of three million Americans for the January inaugural.

But listening to Indian women talk about the US election of the first president of color, I became aware of an important distinction: their interest in President Obama's win is not simply because of media coverage, or because of Obama's color. They, like those of us who voted for this remarkable man, are drawn by HIS MESSAGE.

For years, America has been the promised land for those seeking material comforts. Obama's campaign message was not about comfort or consumption, and we all were relieved. All world citizens are hungering for a message about community, service, sharing and protecting resources. Americans are tired of the American Dream that is little more than the Pursuit of Stuff.

After my Friday night program, a new friend named Bulbul said I had "Confirmed what I believed" about the leap America made in selecting a new President. Like me, she is hopeful and excited that the US has moved to another level of living....where resources are more equitably distributed, where we take decisions and actions based on similiarities not differences and our attention is focused on "We" not "Me."

Yes We Can.

Happy Nursing Mother's Day

A couple of weeks ago, I saw an article on the internet that provided me with the only reason I can think of to wear an under wire bra:

DETROIT (Reuters) - A 57-year-old Detroit woman avoided serious injury when the under wire on her bra deflected a bullet shot at her from next door, police said.

The woman, who lives on the West side of Detroit, saw a group of men breaking into a neighbor's house on Tuesday morning. When the men spotted her, one of them fired a shot at her, a police spokesman said.

The bullet struck the under wire on the woman's bra and that saved her from a more serious injury, police said.

"It did slow the bullet down," said Detroit police spokesman Phillip Cook. "She sustained injuries but they're not life threatening."

The woman, who was not identified, was treated at a nearby hospital. The suspects in the shooting drove away.

While breast cancer is a major killer of women worldwide (400,000 annually) we still don’t know what causes it.   Close to 40,000 women die in the U.S. every year from it.

I wonder about tight bras, especially ones with wires, causing lymph to pool and sit, full of waste and toxins, in the fatty breast tissue.  The lymphatic system is the body’s sewer system.  It is meant to flow, to pull all that is no longer of value from our cells, tissues, organs, and blood and dispose of it!

What if, in the name of glamour, women are unknowingly creating a dirty, scummy poisonous pond on the chest?

Beyond my suspicions around the under wire’s link to cancer, I am sorry any woman consciously chooses to wear something so uncomfortable.  In my thirties, when I thought I was my breasts, I owned a few of these torture devices.  Ask any woman who wears one, she’ll tell you one of the main reasons she hurries home each night is to free herself from its strangling clutches.

All last week, though I doubt it was an intentional build up to Mother’s Day, the media obsessed on Miss California’s breasts: first, that they were man made and paid for by donations, and secondly, that she sorta, kinda bared them for a camera.  Is it really against pageant law to showoff your silicone?

Am I the only person who remembers the life giving purpose of breasts?  Not for pushing up or out, photographing or filming.  Mammary glands are for feeding babies.  Ask any of those wonderful lactation consultants who help young mothers.

On this Mother’s Day, I thank my own mother for nursing me, giving me such a great, healthy start on this Earth.  I thank my now grown son, for the privilege of feeding him the same way, launching him into the world with strong immunity and an excellent ability to heal.      May more babies spend time on their mothers’ breasts.   And may the media and under wire bra manufacturers let breasts be!

Click here for more about the momma and baby camels pictured.

Sharing Our Vermont Home in India

Indian hospitality is so over the top, unless you experience the graciousness, you can't possibly imagine it. Returning from my three plus weeks in Hyderabad to Bangalore, my suitcase is full of gifts, many from people who do not have $13 a month to buy groceries. I'm not kidding.

Knowing full well I would meet such loving people and not be able to reciprocate by inviting them to my Vermont home, I made a plan. I would bring a bit of Vermont with me.

What did I bring? Little handmade sachets, full of dry balsam needles. I cut the tree down in our woods last fall, and dried the needles in paper bags. In January, my mother, Kay Greeley, and I sewed little bags and filled them with the fragrant needles...topped off with a few decorative bags.

In the past three months, I have given more than 12 dozen bags away across India, to folks I meet on trains, at church, in yoga classes, through friends, at workshops and especially in Hyderabad, at the meetings with the hardworking mothers.

As I hand out the sachets, I always say, "Take a deep breath and sigh. Relax. Now you know what it is like to be in our Green Moutain woods, this beautiful smell of Christmas trees. If you ever do have a chance to visit our home, you will recognize this relaxing fragrance from today!"

Cheerleading Dreamers

Visiting with hundreds of brown eyed children and teens here in Hyderabad during this season’s Youth Camps, I learn their names and then ask, “What are your dreams for your life?”
(Visiting a joyous family in their hut. Hindus, they recently shaved their heads for religious reasons. I wonder, would I be able to smile as they do, living in the slums?)
Raised in the poorest conditions, few of these kids appear to have considered their dreams.

Looking to India’s high earning 20 and 30 year olds for an answer, many boys and girls reply, “IT (information technology), engineering, computer software.” But are these professions what most teens are passionate about or even possess any natural ability for doing?

This past three weeks, I have been volunteering with the Care Foundation for Children and Aging, an international charity that supports more than 250,000 worldwide. My family sponsors children in India; we’ve had sponsorees in the Philippines and Guatemala, too.

What makes CFCA unique and successful is that it focuses on educating children and their mothers. Mothers who have learned a trade and bring needed income to the family view the world more positively, and are a great asset to the family. We all know the power of an encouraging parent, teacher, coach or other authority figure in our lives. I still salute my eighth grade English teacher, Mary Vinton, who told me, when I was 14, “Of course, you are a writer.”

“I am?” I thought with excitement. Up until that moment, I had thought of myself in the traditional ways children do…as a daughter, sister, Girl Scout. I was actually a writer? What a mighty woman Mary Vinton was in my life. She saw something in me and woke me up to myself.

When I consider what small contribution I can make in the lives of India’s children, I believe identifying and underlining their strengths, talents and interests can be a great gift. Beyond sending $30 a month to children through CFCA, we sponsors pray for and uplift poor families, knowing their health and well being will shape a large part of beloved India’s future.

(Mr. and Mrs. George Reddy with daughter Mary, of Hyderabad We learned yesterday Mary passed her exams and is now a medical doctor! Our family joins Mary's celebration, as my husband was blessed to fund her medical school education.)
If you saw Slumdog Millionaire and were moved by the plight of slum children, why not move from merely watching the life of India's poor to improving it? Families who live in slum housing that is smaller and far less comfortable than an old van or SUV await your love and attention.

Oh, let us all remember the power of encouraging words, and express them often! While I wish I was heading up the Gates Foundation, my resources are limited….fortunately, my capacity to cheerlead dreamers is limitless.

Making Healthy Choices, Creating Good Conditions

A few years ago, a then-11 year old friend of mine said she was having trouble staying in a particular home because, "I can't make healthy choices here."

What great environmental awareness, particularly for such a young person!

So many of us continue to stay in place and with people who are not good influences, keep us feeling powerless, unhappy, angry or worse.

Just this week, another friend told me that her entire childhood was defined by hearing how much she disappointed her father...from her grades, to her handwriting, to her table manners. "If I dropped a fork on the floor at a meal, I shook in fear," she recalled.

Children are rarely able to protect themselves from such abuse and neglect. And because this pattern is established early in life, where the one who "loves you" is also your harshest critic and judge, such abused children often select lovers and life partners who are equally cruel and hurtful. We seek the familiar, regardless of the pain, in the name of love.

Waking up to this conditioning is both freeing and startling! On one hand, we are gladdened with this new awareness, as it means we can stop the madness. But on the other hand, we can have trouble accepting the adults who hurt us; sometimes choosing to lash out or reject them. A good reminder is to remember that, in most cases, all of us are doing the best we can. Parents who damage their children are almost always damaged children themselves...part of a long line of abusers. What a great moment in a family history, when a generation comes along that vows, "The abuse stops here. I will not continue such unacceptable behavior." With this commitment, we can also find some compassion for our abuser, seeing them as much a victim as we see ourselves.

Awake and aware, we are able to create good conditions for ourselves, choosing and developing an environment where we are supported, encouraged, understood and loved. Like the hothouse flower who needs the right temperature, proper soil and adequate water, each of us can learn what we need to blossom and bloom!

Photos and video from a visit April 22, 2009 to Child Haven International, an orphanage on the outskirts of Hyderabad. We brought 120 pure fruit bars, 30 pounds of green grapes and 15 big watermelons to share with the 115 children.Thanks to friends and yoga students who donated the fruits, toys, clothes, shoes, books, jewelry and more. The lovely girl in the pearls is one of my sweethearts in India, 13 year old Sneha, who wants to be a doctor. Who will support her dream? If you are interested, leave a comment. Med School is about $1000 year here!

Endless Timeless Dance of Joyous Creation

Most of my life, I've been a seeker. A seeker of meaning, purpose and an understanding of this breathtaking Cosmos.

In 1986, I became a Christian, a giant leap in my developing faith life. I became smitten by the message of Jesus. So straightforward, so beautiful, so all encompassing. Knowing he dined with prostitutes, tax collectors and lepers...three of the least appealing groups of his time...made me even more drawn to his teaching to love one another. Period.

In her new book, The Secret Magdalene, Ki Longfellow has taken on a giant task...sorting through thousands of pages of history and conjecture, to create a picture of the life of one of Jesus' closest friends, Mary Magdalene.

Please let me share what I consider the heart of the book, on page 351, some of Magdalene's musings:

“Plato taught that the first principle is intellect whose only function can be to think and the only possible object of thought must be itself. But I must ask: why, then, did it act? Does it not seem more likely that the first principle is not intellect, but Consciousness, which being aware, would not only think, but feel and, in feeling, would desire to express itself? All reality is that expression. The stars and all they contain, the earth and all that goes on it, man and every moment he makes or thoughts he thinks. Nothing can be separate from Consciousness, and nothing can be ‘fallen.’ There can only be the myriad expression of Consciousness, which is neither good nor evil, but is infinite experience.

“God is not a being outside the Self, not has it gender, nor it is burdened with a desire to find fault or to test, or a need to command obedience. God is Consciousness---which is All There Is. And we are how it knows itself in all its infinite variety. God is an endless timeless dance of joyous creation. All this, so that God might know itself---and glory in the contemplation thereof.”

I don't recall reading anything better or more lovely. To underscore my agreement, I include a picture from a recent village welcome I received, part of that endless timeless dance of joyous creation Mary Magdalene describes!

Looking for a New Job with Meaning?

In my latest post within the ongoing dialogue that started in an April 6 post, I reference two of my favorite models for living and working in community.

With many Americans looking for work these days, perhaps a position of service is worth considering? I find great meaning and sustenance through giving, and recommend it highly to those who are ready for something different.

L'Arche and Camphill are the two communities I regard and recommend with great affection. Each actually has many separate entities around the world, and are designed to serve those labeled developmentally disabled.

One model is a more overtly spiritually-based community than the other; both are beautifully uplifting and grounded in a deep reverence for human beings and their right to dignity.

Check them out!

L'Arche



Camphill Communities

Working Mothers and Their Children

Thanks to the hard working staff of the Care Foundation for Children and Aging, I've been meeting hundreds of hardworking mothers operating their own snack shops, hostels, buffalo dairies, dress and tailor shops, vegetable stands and water businesses. Today, I spent time in Basuregadi, a village outside of Hyderabad, where I met women who help feed their families as farmers. Cotton, chili peppers and corn were the most common crops.

One of the highlights was meeting the family of Lakshmi and Nagaraj Varma. Watermelon farmers, they have raised three sons, ages 21, 22 and 24, who are all college graduates. What a remarkable achievement! Working six acres of land, Farmer Varma raises vegetables and fruit to support his family. Only one son, Ravi, is sponsored by CFCA. Ravi is pursuing a degree in business. The eldest son (nicknamed Funny) is working as a computer teacher and on a PhD in psychology. What a great leap in the history of India, in one generation, to achieve this advancement!

p.s. On Easter Sunday, my friends Clement and Sr. Johncy wanted to go to a tailor shop. For the working mother who owns and operates it, the day was not a day of rest. But as you can see, it was for her son!

Forgiveness Means Forgetting, Too

Spending Holy Week with friends who work for Care Foundation for Children and Aging, a Catholic charity in Hyderabad, is wonderful. Holy Thursday (or Maundy Thursday as we refer to it in US) was an outdoor Mass at Sacred Heart Church, with five priests and 3000 parishioners. At the end of the two hour service, big, beautiful hot cross buns were distributed to everyone. Buns were donated by families, with one family giving 2000; it was truly a Manna Moment!

After 6 this morning, we drove to St. Joseph’s Cathedral for a live Passion Play. Again, outdoors, again, lots of people. The actors were in very believable costumes. The Roman soldiers whipped Jesus for about 20 minutes. While the whips were made of braided cloth, the snapping we heard was real. Welts were really coming up on the actor. Later, I learned he had fasted for 40 days prior to this Tableau, to prepare for the part.

Sitting with a new friend, Sister Johncy, who is a sister in the Holy Family Congregation, we both cried. It was so hard to see the whipping. Somehow, in the hot sun of the East, the story became more real. I was thinking of the sanitized Maundy Thursday programs I have participated in at St. Paul’s in Barton, Vermont. Playing Veronica, I simply gesture offstage to the imagined Jesus. We have not included the cruelty done unto him as part of our presentation. I don’t espouse violence at all, but seeing this man stagger carrying his cross was searing.

Afterwards, Sister Johncy and Clement, a former nun who works as a CFCA social worker, and I talked about the Passion of Christ. Typically, the Passion is interpreted as his suffering, but we began to think that Jesus’ Passion is really that he loves us so much, he was willing to suffer. His Passion Is Love.

We also discussed he profound message of forgiveness. CFCA director Suresh (cfcausa.org) said that, in the days of Jesus, when he said, “forgive 70 times 7,” it is the equivalent of our saying today, “forgive a million times.” Lately, I have been meditating on the idea of forgiveness, total forgiveness. So, it was no accident that I received an email this Good Friday from a friend that reads, in part:

“I understand the forgiveness thing and the judging thing. I went to confession yesterday, just for mainly that reason. Funny that we are both battling the same. The priest told me to spend more time in prayer, that we are humans and the devil likes to get hold of us. He said to pray all the time to not let those weaknesses take over. My dilemma is that I feel like I have forgiven someone for being a jerk, as we have all done jerky things, but I can't seem to forget. Does it mean that one has not forgiven if they can not forget????? I know others have life long painful instances that that keep going back to.”

Today, after watching the play and seeing Jesus ask that his crucifiers be forgiven, because they didn’t know what they were doing, I can answer my friend’s question more clearly.

YES, I think true, total forgiveness means forgetting, as well. Forgetting in the sense that we don’t keep the memory alive as a way of separating ourselves from the person who hurt us. I do think we must learn from abusive events, and develop ways of protecting ourselves and avoiding harm’s way. In some instances, that means we no longer associate with certain people. But we still move on, forgiving and forgetting. We see their behavior as being committed by a damaged soul, someone who was also hurt and damaged. Our abusers are not aware, not fully awake to the beauty of life, to the connection we share. They don’t know that we are each other’s keeper, that we are part of a larger family.

On Wednesday, I spent time at a CFCA Mothers’ Group, teaching some yogic breathing and encouraging these lovely women to stay positive and motivated about the important work they do in their families. Looking into their eyes, sometimes seeing despair and fear, other times exhaustion yet hope, I felt so close, so connected.

How can I not forgive and forget those who aren’t aware of this connection? To not forgive and forget, I think, I keep myself small, and identify too much with the person who abused or hurt me. They put distance between people, which allows them to hurt others. I don’t want to emulate them. I prefer to follow Jesus.
p.s. hope you will continue to read the ongoing conversation in an earlier posting below, started April 9, here.

A Dialogue Begins...We Create An Amazing Moment

A friend I have not heard from in more years than you could imagine found me through the magic of the internet. She wrote me an email. I have invited her to continue the conversation on the blog.
NOTE: Here are two photos of a wonderful fresh sweet drink being made at the train station...sugar cane juice! See the cane being crushed, and below, the juice. Life is full of amazing moments, one after another. The commencement of the following conversation is yet another such moment.

From my old friend:

"I almost sat down at my home computer to write to you last night. It was a terrible horrible day, just one more in a chain of too many terrible horrible days. I was emotionally exhausted, physically numb, and for some reason finding myself drawn to corresponding with you, much like I have been drawn to searching for you through the years. But, as usual, I ignored my inner promptings and fell asleep in front of the TV (after downing two sleeping pills). I have been carting around your Armchair Yoga ‘book,’ In my car. which I had printed at work last week. When I got to work this morning, I started reading it, and found a little bit of energy (hope?) working it’s way from my feet, up my body and into my chest. Being one who (1) tried yoga and couldn’t do ANY of the positions, (2) stuffs feelings via Ben and Jerry’s and (3) whose struggles with emotional/mental health seem to get more intense with each passing year, I can hardly wait to get home to continue reading your book (and maybe practicing). I stopped, because I was at work, right at the Six-Question Quiz. I cannot allow myself the luxury to ‘go there’ while at the office. Years ago, I took part in a Buddhist sanga at church and, for the first time EVER, was able to quiet the madness of judgment and criticism that bounces around in my brain pretty much 24-7. When I take time to meditate, it continues to help me be a little more mindful (is there such a thing as a little more mindful, or is it more like being pregnant – you are or you aren’t!). However, the demon of the family legacy is the never-ending replay of hurt and rejection, the gift that keeps on giving. I know that back in high school I talked with you a bit about my home life. Things were much worse than I ever told anyone. And even today I am triggered by small things. The size of the ‘thing’ does not at all correspond to the size of my reaction, and if I am not incredibly and thoroughly grounded, I end up a beat-up little girl again. A cross word from a friend feels like a fist in my gut. My emotional antenna are constantly twitching, trying to predict from which direction the next kick or slap will make it’s appearances. It seems that having gone through that once should inoculate me against recurring episodes, even purely emotional ones. Therapy has helped with the severity and length of the dark waves that threaten to smother me. I do still have the waves, and am fighting my way to the surface even now. That is not to say I don’t have joy…at times. And gratitude. I definitely have known love, from friends and my children. For that I am deeply grateful. I just wish that love could ALWAYS snatch me out of the dark ocean of despair. Perhaps it does, eventually. Just not in MY timing! I know this is the end of your day, so don’t feel it necessary to respond to this message. I mainly wanted you to know I am going to continue reading your spiritual work when I get home. If it is OK with you, I would like to keep you apprised of how it goes… "

I wrote her back:

I have wanted to write for some time, you must know if you check the blog, that I have been busy as a CNA this past week. The work continues another week, then I head to Hyderabad, another big city, to volunteer at a yoga camp and do other projects with street families/poor. Very fulfilling. Are you ready to end the chain of horrible/terrible days? Are you willing to see you are the author? These are two powerful questions, but when you can say YES to them both, you can choose or not to work with me via email and 100 percent, fully and forever heal yourself. You can enter the next chapter of your life, and experience a joy you have not known well for 50 years. Pray about your willingness to let go of your preconceptions, assumptions, stories and victimhood. See what you prize most...your joy or your need to be right (and therefore keep hurting, to prove you have been wronged.) Rest assured, I write this with no judgment. I have no idea what the extent of your abuse has been. I only know that total well being awaits you, when you give up the exhausting path you have been walking. I believe, in my heart of hearts, this is why you contacted me. This is the work I do. Guiding others in their healing. You are your healer, I will only ask the questions. Much love to you this March day, Bethany
She wrote me back:

"Dear Friend,I think about your last e-mail message every day. I got stuck on something in your message, and, being a stubborn old lady, cannot seem to let it go. That was your reference to God. I don’t believe there is a God/god. Actually, I really don’t know if I don’t believe, or if a streak of left-over anger is keeping me from considering such a thing! The worst hurts in my life have been brought about by Christians, including my family, and trying to make myself accept/believe in a deity is a mountain I am not yet willing to climb. That is why I had not yet responded to your message/offer about working with me. I will write more to you when I go home tonight. I have been reading both your blogs, and have completely changed how I am eating…will write more about this tonight. Oh, and I found out last week that I am NOT being hired in this temp. position. I have been temping here since last August, and they were going to hire me in November. Through a glitch at HR, the wrong job posting went out, and they did not post it again until last month. In this economy, people with Masters are working at Burger King, so I have been grateful just to have a job, no matter how temporary. However, I did believe I was going to be a permanent employee at some point, and now that is not going to happen. Still coming to some kind of peace with another job change or possible unemployment. So you folks in India have the ability to use “Skype?” It is a free video ‘telephone’ service. I do not have a camera on my computer, but my friends upstairs do. If you had skype, we could actually have a face-to-face conversation. If you are interested, it can be found at http://www.skype.com/. I look forward to getting home tonight so I can write, a little more in-depth, about your offer to work with me."

I wrote her back:

So glad to get your message! Can you translate God to mean UNIVERSE? That powerful consciousness or love that is in all living things? Maybe Mother Nature is your term? Whatever creates the beauty and balance in the day?I apologize for using a charged word with you; I have many friends who have taught me better, forgive me! The terminology can be a real speed bump...I can speak your language, have no fear. I AM SO HAPPY YOU TOLD ME THE TRUTH!! That is awesome. So, whatever helps the seasons change, makes 14 year old boys get whiskers and makes mango season be around the corner....that is the energy I like to feel in my veins. The life force. No personal God, just the prana, the life. Will wait to hear from you. I'm excited about you changing your eating. Change your eating, change your life! Love, B

She wrote me back:

"Bethany, I laughed as I read your response. I am such a Unitarian Universalist!!! Although I have made great strides in being accepting and tolerant of other’s views, this god thing still stumps me. But as I read all the difference things you suggested (in terms of translating the god word), I just laughed. It kind of put my resistance into perspective. Prana…that is an exciting word for me. I did not realize it meant ‘life.’ It opens up a whole new area of thought for me. Will write to you later."

I wrote her back:

Prana is that life force, the breath that fuels us, and the energy behind it. I am glad you laughed. All of life is a comedy, honestly. We keep making it a drama, but it is a comedy. Maybe we should have this conversation on the blog, and share it with the world....it is so powerful...and you can remain anonymous. Go to my blog, I am going to write a note to invite you to speak there...Love, B
She wrote back:

"OK. I will respond to your invite!" CLICK ON THE COMMENTS BELOW TO CONTINUE READING THE CONVERSATION! PLEASE ADD YOUR OWN COMMENTS.

Create Space to Receive

When you use a bowl, do you use the empty space or the walls that surround it?

You use the space, because without space, nothing can be received.

If it is already full, nobody can give you anything.

Confucius

The Moon is Her Lover

Die Lotosblume (The Lotus Flower)
The Lotus flower is anxious in the sun's radiance
And with a hanging head, awaits,
Dreaming for the night.

The moon who is her lover,
Awakens her with his light.
And for him smiling,
Unveils her innocent flower face.
She blooms, and glows, and gleams,
And gazes silently upwards.
She is fragrant and weeps, and trembles,
With love and love's torments,
With love and love's torments.

In 1842, composer Robert Schumann put this poem by Heinrich Heine to music.

Here is a slightly different translation of the German verse:

The lotus-flower fears
the splendour of the sun,
and with bowed head,
dreaming, awaits the night.
The moon is her lover,
and wakes her with his light,
and to him she gladly unveils
her innocent flower-like face.
She blooms and glows and gleams,
gazing dumbly toward the sky;
she is fragrant and weeps and trembles
with love and the pain of love.

I heard Emily Roth, a beautiful young soprano, sing this love song at St. Bernard's Catholic Church in New Port Richey, Florida, in January. Seeing lotuses in India reminded me of her, and I wanted to share the poem.

Isn't it Time to Be Happy?

Do you know we make our own unhappiness?


When we believe joy is something that is created or altered on a daily basis, based on what happens Out There, we get in trouble. When we bring our own stinging judgment to ourselves or others, we stomp on happiness. Our interpretation of life often keeps us small, isolated and unhappy.



Realizing that we were born with a great, limitless well of joy (just look at a baby giggle with joy...they own nothing!) we are free, we are happy.


The secret, as taught by all spiritual traditions, is to wake up to the great inner truth that our nature is Bliss Absolute. Once we can see life from this awareness, everything changes in an instant.



Years ago, I was given the following poem, a poem full of wisdom. I was told the it was written by Elberta Farrar Herrin on her deathbed, in a Vermont nursing home.

Reading Elberta's words, you can decide today, well before you die, to embrace a life philosophy of going more with the flow, of letting go of your need to control. That need to control makes us so unhappy!



Forgive me, Lord.


If I have judged the different to be bad because it was strange to me,


Forgive me, Lord.


If I have condemned those who struggle with the new,


If I saw anger or disrespect where there was none,


If I have been harsh toward those whose vision made themsee danger or disrespect where there was none,


Forgive me, Lord.


If I have silenced music, If I have paralyzed the dance,


If I have slashed the canvas, burned the books, cleared the stage, choked the laughter,


Forgive me, Lord.


If I have fostered mediocrity for the sake of acceptability,


If I have shunned awe in the presence of the sacred,


If anger or fear has led me to dishonesty or distortion,


Forgive me, Lord.


Elberta Farrar Herrin

I am sharing this photo of a banana tree supporting a tomato plant, because I consider the supportive relationship of the two living things such a great reminder for us all. How clever! How creative! How simple! How life giving! We can all offer each other a bit of support, be it through sharing this blog or smiling at a stranger. Let's each do our part, and watch what happens. In a supportive environment, it is much easier to discover your own Inner Joy, that Bliss Absolute.

A New Blog Is Born

Thanks to yoga students, massage clients and other great people I've met on my journey, I've felt encouraged to create another blog. When you hear the subject, you might consider this posting an April Fool's joke, but I assure you, it is not.

Visit http://www.leaveconstipationbehindyou.blogspot.com/. Learn some of the basic practices I teach, to help people achieve wonderful, healthy regularity. Why not mimic this beautiful tree in my neighbor's yard here in Bangalore? See how easily it let's go of the waste, releasing what it no longer needs? You can, too!

Laxatives, suppositories, enemas, colonics and the like are not the way to create a lasting, healthy system of elimination. Rather, we each need to find the lifestyle that provides us balance: with enough sleep, regular movements, proper weight, good physical and mental health.

Of course, we know a key factor, if not THE key factor is what we eat. The wrong foods quickly lead to constipation. One of my yoga teachers used to say that constipation leads to STROKES. "If you meet someone who has had a stroke," he said, "You can be pretty certain they have a problem with constipation."

The reason? Carrying toxins and poisons and waste in the body that should be eliminated exhausts your heart, kidneys, and other organs. They valiantly try to keep the dirty blood from harming you, but unless you empty your bowels regularly, autointoxication arises.

Treating ourselves to deep, full yogic breaths is also a great technique for relaxing the intestines. A few months ago, I taught a young woman about breathing. Here is part of her joyous report on her success:


“I began practicing the breathing techniques every morning and although I still don't have "regular" (meaning everyday) bowel movements, at least I have learned how to "do it" without the laxatives. For instance, I had not had a movement for about 3 or 4 days (I need to keep track of those) as of Monday, so I concentrated on eating more fruit and drinking more water, then when I got home I did about 45 minutes of breathing and again lots of water and hot tea. Yesterday morning I was miserable, to say the least, but I did my breathing and within an hour or so I had a movement and I had 2 more later that day. This morning another and I feel so much better. I cannot believe that I have suffered with this for almost 20 years and now all I have to do is remember to relax and breathe properly. I have not had to use any laxatives for at least 2 months now. You have helped change my life for the better and I cannot thank you enough.”

Please share the new blog address with friends and family who suffer from a sluggish system. I have written a short book called "How He Put Constipation Behind Him," which I plan on making available soon. Until then, check the blog for help.

Let me close with a nice meditation for healthy living:

In a quiet space, sit comfortably and enjoy a deep exhale. As you inhale, feel how the lightness of the breath creates a sense of weightlessness in your body. As you exhale, allow yourself to release tension, unwanted and unneeded thoughts and other negative energies. Continue to breathe in healing white light. With each exhale, imagine letting go of an activity, piece of personal property or a relationship you are ready to detach from. Allow yourself to let go of whatever is no longer serving you. This can be a memory, an old disappointment or just a belief about yourself that you have outgrown. Empty your mind. See this old thought or relationship or item float away on the smokiness of your exhale. Relax. Release. Exhale.